Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Realtor from hell

So of the (admittedly far too few) places we saw while in the Bronx, one place stood out not for the unit itself (which was unimpressive), but for the person who showed it to us.

Her name was Cathy, and given my restrictions (max of 20 minute commute to work, by walking, train, or bus, and a dog), she had one place available. She told me it was in a great neighborhood that would even allow me to walk to work and there were tons of restaurants within walking distance.

Well, first of all, that was a flat out lie. It would have been a 45-minute walk to work, and barely 30 minutes to take a bus. Plus, the neighborhood was exceedingly residential, and nothing was close. But all of this is secondary to the point of this tale, and that is of our being kidnapped by this woman.

So she's not the best salesperson. After saying it was a short walk to the apartment, she met us at the subway station with her car to drive us. And saying this was a car is being pretty generous, as it was about to fall apart. Also, she couldn't have the a/c on because she was worried she would run out of gas.

She showed us the apartment, and in addition to the rent, security deposit and broker's fee (both equal to one month's rent), there was a $175 application fee and some other fee as yet to be determined by the landlord, if I wanted it. Besides the fact that the place was a hole in a crappy "I need a car to live there" neighborhood, that was a good way to end the discussion.

So we headed back to the car, and she asked if we were thirsty. Stupidly we said yes, and she then brought us to this diner which made me think we were in Wyoming, given the clientele. The two of us ordered sodas, and she ordered a big-salad-a-la-Elaine-on-Seinfeld, and we sat there while she ate, trapped. We sat there and she proceeded to hate on every other neighborhood in the city (except where we were, and Riverdale, the rich white neighborhood that doesn't allow public transit anywhere near it). The worst part was that we were trapped and couldn't go anywhere, because we didn't even know where the stupid train was from the diner! The poor woman was clearly lonely (she basically said as much), but I don't think that would have been a problem if she weren't such a raving bitch.

Just a sample: When we were describing Maggie's neighborhood in Brooklyn and how it's nice because it's walking distance to tons of restaurants, it's really cute, and close to several different subways, she responded with a sneer and, "Well, that's okay, if that's what you want." That is, in fact, precisely what I want!

Needless to say I didn't even bother calling her to tell her I didn't want the apartment.

by Topher at 11:06 AM |