Saturday, October 11, 2008
Fair and Balanced
In bitter retaliation to Sonya's questionable casting choices for the film adaptation of her life, here are some better suggestions, provided by a broad panel of impartial Hollywood film producers:Corbett (Brad Pitt - 15 years ago, obviously)
Christopher (Tom Cruise)
Dante (Uno the Prize-Winning Beagle)
Sonya (Amber from Clueless)
Chris (That Dude from the British Office)
Chris (That Dude from the British Office)
Jake (Jabba the Mutt)
Ramona (Elwood the Toxic Chihuahua)
by Corbett at 1:27 PM |
11 Comments:
That is FUCKED UP.
Definitely some accuracies there though....
I don't know why you're so sensitive. Jim Carrey is SO better than Brat Pitt. The only thing that is accurate is Jake.
I draw the line with the slander against my dogs. Nobody brought Dante into the fray! So, you coming over for Chicken Paprikash?
Oh come on! I love Ramona. I also think Elwood is kind of cute, with that little tongue. I mean, is there really such a thing as an ugly dog? (anyway, I think Christopher's comment about "accuracies" was directed to me as Brad Pitt)
Elwood is the cutest dog that ever walked out of a house fire alive. Ramona is a beauty queen. And I love that you think I'm Amber, a total valley girl!? Like, totally ditzy! BTW, Brad Pitt is a HAG.
Here is a description of the man you cast as me (I've never even seen the stupid movie, so I had to look it up): "Lloyd Christmas is an illiterate and somewhat mischievous man who has apparently been fired from several jobs due to his lack of intelligence." Amber, on the other hand, "is less popular than Cher and her sluttiness and airheadedness make her more like [a] Brainless Beauty (albeit a mean spirited one)." She is also flatteringly called Cher's "obnoxious teen rival, [who] reminds viewers that even educated, affluent kids can be impolite and self-obsessed." Are you ready to apologize now, or what?
I guess that's fair. I am obnoxious, airheaded and slutty. I was originally going to make you Melissa Joan Hart when she was pregnant, but Christopher thought that might upset you. My second choice was Simon Rex, but he is a tooooooooooooool.
I can't believe you have never seen Dumb and Dumber.
Corbett, you are illiterate, so it's kind of fitting, isn't it?
Ellen! Shh... I've been hiding my illiteracy from Christopher for years. Now he'll know why I haven't finished my dissertation! And Sonya and Chris: I'm sorry if I offended (but I did call Sonya "beautiful", "affluent", and "educated", didn't I?). I'm glad you didn't choose Simon Rex, because I don't think I could handle knowing I was in a porno...
Chris' brother Jeremiah here. I just wanted to point out that the guy you picked for my brother looks a lot like our Uncle Dave, only shinier. I can almost smell the cigarettes & cheap beer.
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